Relationships: Loving Someone

* Excuse the typos

 

When you are a teenager you deal with a lot of changes. When you are an adult you still go through a lot of changes. There are so many things you wonder about your whole life. One of those questions are “What is Love?” I don’t think a lot of people know the actual definition of love. You can see this when 50% of marriages end up in divorce. While I hope most people get a divorce for the right reasons like spousal abuse or maybe trust issues but there are other people who get a divorce because they’re spouse is sick or because the spouse snoring or anything like that.

Do people still think love is only a feeling? Love is not just a feeling. It’s a choice and, a action. A choice that bonds 2 people together like some kind of powerful force. Love is when you care about someone, you will do anything for them, and, take care of them. When you love someone, you are there for them. When you love someone you protect them. When you love someone you make sacrifices for them. Love is hard and, needs to be nurtured as years go on. Which is why a lot of teenagers break up and, don’t stay together. They are not ready to make those sacrifices and, make that kind of commitment.

“Love is like Friendship on Fire” from the movie The Perfect Man. The movie sucked but this quote is spot on and always stuck with me

You can’t expect love to be passionate and, romantic all the time. You have to have that friendship as the base. Once that fire burns out, that doesn’t mean your relationship is over. You can always start the romance back up again if you find the time but it doesn’t have to be anything big.

Sometimes I wonder if adults are ready for that kind of commitment. If they were, why do they get a divorce all the time. What is that teaching the next generation? “It’s fine to get married but if it doesn’t work out, that’s okay you can just get a divorce.”

Communication is key! Very good communication. Your need to communicate with your spouse. That could be a reason why a lot of people get a divorce. We have horrible communication skills. You should never yell or belittle anyone you love. If you do please stop. Talk it out.

Sacrifices: I will like to tell you two stories about sacrifice

There was this couple who met when they were teenagers. Lets name them Johnny and, Tiffany to keep their identities anonymous. They started dating in high school, and they fell in love. Tiffany family had to move away to another state but they did not break up. They started a long distance relationship. He drove over some weekends with his parents permission to visit her. That went on until they graduated from high school. When they became adults, they got married. Now they are married for 12 years and, have 2 kids. This story shows sacrifice in my opinion because Johnny and, Tiffany were young. Johnny had a choice to date other people and, so did Tiffany. Why would they make those kind of sacrifices at a young age? Because they loved each other and still do. They wanted to be together, so the did everything they could together.

Now the next story is about my experience with love and, sacrifice. I have this friend. Lets call him Dave. I had a crush on him all through high school. We laughed together, flirted, hung out etc. A year after we got out of high school, he told me he was gay. I was heartbroken, I thought we were going to get married. I had fantasies about us being together. In my head I had two choices. Stop being his friend because it hurt so much that I would never be with him, or keep on being his friend and, be there for him every step of the way. I let him go, but keep on being his friend. He was never going to like me the way that I liked him. If I was a true friend and, if I really cared about him, I had to continue to be his friend. It’s not his fault that he was gay. It was just the way it is. To me that was a sacrifice that I made. I wanted to stay his friend because I loved him. He was there for me when I needed him, so it was time for me to be there for him and, be supportive because I loved him.

People say true love hurts. While it shouldn’t hurt in an abusive way, it does hurt in other ways. Like when you find out your spouse or lover is terminally ill or if your spouse or lover dies. Or if your spouse or lover is just having a gloomy day and, they don’t want to talk to you about it yet. It hurts. It hurts to see the person you love sad. I can relate to that. I hated to see my mother cry. I loved her so much. I hated to see her in and, out of the mental hospital. I hated to see her be afraid of my dad. To see her like that really hurt me. It’s okay to admit that love hurts in that kind of way.

Everyone is capable of loving. Everyone is capable of being loved. Just because you have been abused or treated unfairly in a previous relationship you can love again. There are so many good people in this world than bad. I honestly think so and guarantee it. The only problem with a lot of people in this world today is they don’t know what love is and, they are cynical about it. Love is real!

You can see it when a parent holds their children hand walking to the park. You can see it when a brother tries to make his sister laugh at his jokes. You can see it at a soup kitchen where people give up there time to help other eat their meal. You can see it when a teenager teach an elementary school child how to read. You can see it when you see a person play with their dog. You can see it when a boyfriend decides to pick up his sweetie from work without complaining. You can see it everywhere. In a world where it feels like there is no hope, you can always find love.

You are ready to be in a committed relationship or even married if you love others because if you love others, treat others like decent human beings and, if you serve others in need without expecting anything in return. You are ready to find the love of your life because if you do those things for other. Imagine what you can do for your significant other.

Will you do something for me? If you have a crush on someone or interested in someone. Or maybe you just entered into a relationship. Don’t tell them that you love them that would be creepy but show them that you care and, show them that you love them because that is what love is a choice. They may not say it and, know how to express it in words but they would feel very warm inside. They will feel loved.

 

 

 

2 thoughts on “Relationships: Loving Someone

  1. Dear Angel,

    Thank you for your wonderful story about relationships and loving someone, reading your post was like a breath of fresh air. Almost nobody writes about the sacrifices required of us in love and that love is a commitment and a choice. Wow!! Nowadays that is so unusual. I was really happy reading that and I felt, I gotta support this person! Let her know she’s right on. So I’m writing to tell you how much I resonate with your message.

    I have made many mistakes in my life in the area of relationships, and for a long time I was one of those people who wasn’t willing to be committed and responsible at all, so friendships and relationships came and went. I tried somewhat to stay in touch, sometimes more than most people, but it didn’t actually take away the fact that I wasn’t committed. I was not dedicated to making it work and giving my all to these people. I was into spirituality and ideas and concepts of love and I used the right words when talking to people, but when it came down to transcending my own laziness or just to do what really helps a friend instead of what I wanted to do or get out of the relationship, I didn’t actually fulfill that.

    Only in the last year or so have I become more interested in choosing to do what serves my friends and the greater good over my own preferences, and my friendships have deepened and it is quite beautiful. A dear friend of mine used to say, “Love is the pearl of great price, not the pearl of great rice. You have to pay what it takes to have it.” Meaning love, commitment, consistency, devotion etc. We have to give and live these things in order to have and sustain good relationships. It will not happen by itself.

    Your story about your gay friend is great and I think it’s wonderful and touching that you stayed a friend to him even though it was very hard because of your own attachment to him and strong desire to have more together. To let that go for his sake is beautiful and it’s what true love is about. Right on!

    I had to learn something similar once after breaking up with someone who I saw a lot at work every day, even after we broke up. We broke up because our patterns of relating were too selfish and destructive (way too much attachment and not enough actual love and sacrifice, forgetting everybody else, and not being willing to change our hurtful habits for each other). So then, with those habitual patterns of relating still in place in our minds, we had to clean that up and discipline our minds while seeing each other at work every day. We went through a long time of not relating too much and trying our best to be moral and right whenever we did talk. It was damn hard, and it actually took me a really long time, because when you get SO attached to someone, it’s like being a drug addict recovering from intense addiction. I was faced with the choice between temporary self-indulgence in attention-seeking and gratification, or the choice of loving that person and being moral and right. The only time when I really made progress was when I finally committed to love her and my other friends and therefore not preferring to give or get her attention over other people. And also to keep my heart and mind clean of selfish tendencies towards her and love everybody. I had to give up my selfish and unloving preferences in order to even begin to be friends with her again.

    I can also relate to your story about your mother since my mom was also taken to a mental hospital when I was about 19 and I tried to do various things to take care of her since I was 17 and encourage her to get out of bed and do something constructive instead of wallowing in self-pity, shame and self-judgment. She would sometimes come to my bed and just cry and at one point I had to tell her she had to get a grip on herself and do something constructive. She had various psychological and physical problems and I tried all kinds of things from massaging her feet and telling her that she is good and she can do things, to being angry and not giving her attention because I thought she was getting too dependent, etc. Knowing that she was loved by me helped her and she is better off, but still I wasn’t able to change her ways because it was up to her what choices she wanted to make. It shows that people actually do create their own misery or happiness, based on how much goodness they’re willing to bring to life (and willing they are to let go of the bullshit that prevents that).

    Thanks again for your post.

    • Thank you! It means so much to me that you liked my post. I just thought people should be reminded what love is and, that it does exist. Especially when it seems hate is all we here about lately on the news.

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